.jpg)
Ever since I was
old enough to form an opinion I've hated Sundays. I guess that is normal when
Sundays signify the end of the weekend and the start of the school/work week
the next day, but not so normal when you don't work and everyday involves around
the same routine. What are even worse
are bank holiday weekends - as I get that awful Sunday feeling twice.
Right up until I
became ill with ME I think I just had that normal sense of "Oh, the
weekend's over - bloody school/work again tomorrow." Now, there is nothing
normal about the depth of sadness I feel every Sunday. It was less so during the autumn and winter months
but as we creep towards longer days, it is definitely getting worse.
Today is Monday
and the week has started. Even though I
do not have a job I need to go to, I do have my work to do and my routine to
keep to. I woke up feeling fine and have
been getting on with what needs to be done and as the week progresses towards the
weekend, I’ll feel more and more hopeful and happy, until I crash again on
Sunday. I never get the Monday blues,
but Sunday, that is a different story.
Why are Sundays so
awful? What is it that makes them so
devastating? I’m not just talking about
feeling glum or sad, but I feel such devastating disappointment and misery; the
week before seems like a waste of time and energy and I wonder why I even
bothered, and the week ahead seems devoid of any hope or promise. Is it normal to have a depression that lasts
just one day a week? The worst part is
that I didn’t even see the pattern until my partner commented on it. Poor guy, he must dread Sundays too now all
because of me. Since he mentioned it to
me a few weeks ago I have been trying to understand what happens with me on
Sundays.
I think that for
most of the time I can just keep trying and pushing forward with this illness,
but for whatever reason, on Sundays I let all the misery in before starting up
the fight again on Monday. I can’t
decide if I am insane or a genius.
Anyway, what I’m going to plan to do every Sunday from now on is
something to distract myself; plan something pleasant for each Sunday to try
and make myself like Sundays. I don’t
know if it will work, but I sure as heck am going to try!
I’m almost
scared to ask, but does anyone have any ideas on this awful Sunday feeling or
by any chance, does anyone else feel the same?
Sounds like a good idea to plan something nice for Sundays, but I do wonder whether that will just mean you'll feel bad on another day of the week instead. The feelings are there and they need to be expressed!
ReplyDeleteI have grieving days from time to time, days when I'm just fed up of lack of progress, days when it just isn't Ok to have this illness. But I think thats normal, natural and very human. I let them happen and let them flow and trust that I'll find my motivation again soon. For me though its no more than a couple of days a month.
Is once a week too often for you? Are you expecting too much of yourself? pushing yourself too hard?
Wishing you peace and happiness every day of the week!
Thank you for leaving such a thoughtful comment, and I totally agree with you. I think every Sunday is way too much and I was shocked to realise it as such. I think because I've always been off with Sundays, maybe I've made it safe to feel this way on that day. I will explore further, but you are right, the feelings are there.
Delete