A Duvet is a Girl's Best Friend...When She Has ME/CFS

Marilyn may have proclaimed that Diamond's Are a Girl's Best Friend but on a day like today it is a duvet that is my best friend.  These past few days I have been trying to think of all the things that I am grateful for in my life and number one on that list right now is my big, warm fluffy duvet.  

I wake up in the morning feeling safe and warm, nestled in the feathery goodness of my duvet.  I leave it to use the bathroom and get a hot drink, and am then welcomed back into the coziness, which promises to help me get through the day.  The temptation to sink down and allow the duvet goodness to envelope me is always there, but for the day it must only partially support and comfort me as I sit up and try to do some work and get some writing done.  It is better than any desk I could sit at and more conducive to work than any office could be.

Christmas Alone

This is my very first Christmas alone.  The common idea of Christmas is one of families getting together, of spending time with loved ones, not of being alone.  But for whatever reason, there are plenty of people that spend Christmas alone.  I actually chose not to attend the family gathering this year, and at the time that I made that decision, I was really happy about it.  I believe my exact words were "After 36yrs, I deserve a Christmas off".

However, as I sit here late on Christmas Eve writing this, I do miss the fact that I won't have my family around me this Christmas.  They're crazy and the ensuing family dramas are way too much for my fragile health this year; I know all that, but it doesn't change the longing for Christmas.

A New Lesson in Loneliness For a ME/CFS Sufferer

My partner, Daniele, flew back to Italy yesterday to spend Christmas with his parents as he usually does, but for some reason this year it has left me feeling extremely lonely.  I love him and miss him as always, but this Christmas it is so much more than that.  My health has not been the best this year, with many relapses hampering my efforts to get my energy levels up and to keep my symptoms at bay, and more than just missing my boyfriend, I'm sure it is the isolation of ME/CFS that is causing me to feel so down.

I initially became ill in 2001, and by 2003 I was so ill I had to leave work.  For the next 7yrs I was mostly housebound and even bedbound at times.  But after working on getting a set routine, balancing effort with rest, finding some meds that helped with symptoms and a diet that also helped, I started to get better.  I met my lovely Italian, moved in with him, got a job, but over did it and relapsed in a bad way.  

Why Am I Writing About ME/CFS?

“A man's illness is his private territory and, no matter how much he loves you and how close you are, you stay an outsider. You are healthy.”

Lauren Bacall

When ME/CFS bulldozed its way into my life over a decade ago, I was totally unprepared for the changes it forced on all areas of my life.  There were times when I coped better than at other times, but whether I was feeling Denial or Anger, whether I was Bargaining or Depressed and even when I finally Accepted, I always had the constant desire to speak to someone who understood (even when I couldn’t actually speak!).