Christmas Alone

This is my very first Christmas alone.  The common idea of Christmas is one of families getting together, of spending time with loved ones, not of being alone.  But for whatever reason, there are plenty of people that spend Christmas alone.  I actually chose not to attend the family gathering this year, and at the time that I made that decision, I was really happy about it.  I believe my exact words were "After 36yrs, I deserve a Christmas off".

However, as I sit here late on Christmas Eve writing this, I do miss the fact that I won't have my family around me this Christmas.  They're crazy and the ensuing family dramas are way too much for my fragile health this year; I know all that, but it doesn't change the longing for Christmas.

I'm an Atheist, so Christmas does not have any religious meaning for me, but I love it anyway.  I love the way everyone makes time in their crazy schedules and busy lifestyles to get together, all the food and drink that is shared, even the hubbub in the weeks leading up to Christmas and then the silence as everyone takes Christmas off.  But this year there is none of that, and it is affecting me more than I thought it would.  Maybe we're just all conditioned to want a Thomas Kinkade Christmas, which is why we rush around and spend so much.  We'll never achieve it, but when we don't even try, like me this year, it does feel horrid.

I guess I should stop the whining; after all, I chose to be alone.  There are those that have no choice.  Perhaps they have no family, or there are those that are too ill to even leave their beds to spend time with family.  Some with severe ME cannot even bear to have someone in the room with them; surely that kind of Christmas is worse.  

So, to all those who happen to be alone this year, Merry Christmas to you, and no matter how you spend the day; pretending it's not Christmas, or celebrating alone, watching your favourite Chritsmas movies, or distracting yourself with some other pastime, I wish you a wonderful day.